Tuesday, 9 September 2014

Am i being good enough?

Dear you all,

I just read a post on one of my favorite blogs "sprinkle of glitter" and while i left a comment on her post, i feel i have more to say, therefore i am writing this blog post.

There were many reasons why i wanted to become a scientist. I am fascinated by the complexity of life and the world which surrounds us. On the danger of becoming all star treky on you, to go where no (wo)man has gone before, to get to know what nobody has known before. Along with the curiosity, came the wish to make a difference; to find solutions, to find new pathway and, ultimately, to help humanity to progress.
So there you are at the start of your first own lab project, dreaming of making all the difference and then after the first few years, you realize: Probably nobody will ever read or be interested in the things i am doing. Things in science might be developing at a fast pace, but i can ensure you, here at my bench they are going incredibly slow, when they are moving at all.

Combine that with the typical thirtyish slump and you get your existential crisis. After a dear family member passed away  beginning of last year, i found myself standing at his funeral and thinking: what makes a life significant? What will you be remembered for?

Obviously there are people which are big names in world history. However, how big was their contribution really? How much of their achievements was based on people who's name we do not remember? And what do i really want to be remembered for. A lot of this famous people where really lonely people. Being famous does not equal happiness.

At this point i realized one thing, the chances that i will win the Nobel prize or that i will get into the history books is relatively slim and i am also not so much into sex tapes to become famous (;. So well, my way of making a difference is to be there for other people.  To make people smile. To add a tiny bit to their happiness. In my function as a scientist i want to support other scientist and i want to be part of a team to achieve greater things. In my function of being me, i want to do make people feel valued and important. I want to inspire people and help them to achieve their dreams and i want to spread the happiness that i was blessed with.

Therefore my hope is that, with this blog post, maybe i just reach one person out there in the wide vast internet universe and make their day a tiny bit better. And when i achieve that, then what i do, is good enough.

PS: and if you still feel you are not good enough, look at my cat, who has all the attitude while mainly sleeping, eating and chasing dreams (in form of fluffy balls)